People pleasing has an evil twin named resentment. I just saw an article about how women are taught to be people pleasers through social conditioning, and men are generally trained to be providers.
My problems with people pleasing and resentment are that I am generally assuming what people want based on my understanding of them-instead of asking them what they want. Then doing this small or grandiose thing for them to make “them” happy. If their reaction is something I didn’t expect, I feel unloved. The reality is that I set the whole situation up. I decided I would do something for them, they didn’t react how I want them to react, I am hurt.
It isn’t bad to help people, but what is it that people really need? To find out, I have to get out of my skin enough to listen and ask, not assume. Not randomly try to buy their love with random gifts or try to backhandedly control them with intent.
Generally, I have to think long and hard at what I do, when I do, and how I do. Lots of times my intentions are pure, but there are other times where I have a lacking that I am trying to fill with a thing or an action, and I am secretly overcompensating.