Memory Lane: Sway

It was your typical camping trip: a few hundred costumed people, art, music, and bonfires. I was dressed as a very cute bumble bee, and on one of my feet, there was a big boot. It was in an air cast because I had a broken toe. I was alone that night, except not alone because I can always find friends wherever I go. I trust myself to find friends.

I walked past the fortune teller and went to the karaoke camp. The karaoke was blaring over the generator that powered the rig. An older lady walked up to the microphone and they started to play Sway by Julie London.  This woman’s voice was heaven. And a friend that I had met earlier that day came up to me and said, “didn’t you say you used to dance?” I said, yes. He held out his hand, I accepted. He used to be a ballroom dancer back in the day. Now, we are dancing in the middle of the woods to this song. I have a cast on one foot and a hiking boot on the other.

I love to dance, and every dance tells a story. When you’ve got a good partner and you trust yourself, you can do the most amazing improv. And that night we rivaled Fred and Ginger. Rise and fall, give and take, dip and bend. It was beautiful. Having this body has been an adventure. From national award winning dancer to morbidly obese at 265 pounds to a healthy weight again, I am not nearly that big but I am not a small girl.

It’s hard to trust my body to do what it is capable of. To relax into a dip to the ground, to trust that this older gentleman can support it and that I can do it. But that night I had perfect faith in my strength, his strength and the moment. Even with a cast on my foot. We were completely connected and watching each other to mimic and create each move in perfect unison. Challenging and daring each other to go bigger.

I’ll never forget this moment and how a bumble bee in a cast and a man dressed as a genie rocked the karaoke camp. Perfect moments serve as a bookmark in your life. I could have said no thank you. But I said… yes, and… And saying “yes, and…”  has served me as a human in the world (or a bee) and as a business owner.

How can we make this bigger, better, more perfect? How can I challenge my skills and my perceived limitations? How can I relax and surrender and trust that the magic will happen when I allow it?

Say yes.

Figure it out as you go.

But say yes.

Awkward First Post

I know a thing or two about a thing or two.  And this blog is the start of a vision, the continuance of a journey, and the closing of a book.  I, like every other human on this planet, have been on a journey and I want to write it out.  I am starting to braid together all the pieces of my fragmented self.  Because I have suffered from fragmenting my world.  How do I explain?

I felt like I had to separate all of the parts of me… How can I be an award winning business owner and a sexual being?  How can I be a public speaker who has the ability to lift up and inspire when I was denying core parts of my heart?  How can I be a survivor of horrific physical, psychological and emotional abuse and try to connect and be a healthy functioning member of society?  How can I have gone from an award-winning dancer and dance teacher to 265+ pounds and down again?  How can I have an eating disorder and throw large fundraisers around chocolate?  How can I be a spiritual being and a party girl?  I don’t know, but I am.

There are so many parts of me that contradict.  And trying to segment them all led me to the second largest breakdown and reincarnation in my life: the first happened at 17 when I was disowned, and the second happened right before I turned 34.  Now, at 34 I am willing to look at my past, present, and future and to braid together and accept all of the parts of me that I have tried to protect myself from.

The more I talk, the more I connect and the less I feel alone in my path.  Because I have realized, that there are so many others that are fighting for their paths, step by step.  Others who are surviving and making beautiful, abundant lives out of their exuberant, confusing and painful paths as well.

So this is my story, I am still writing it because I’m not dead yet.  Oh, and I really like boots and shoes, but more about that later, we’ve got time.