I hope that 2012 has been kind to some. For me, it was a difficult year. 2012 was also a year of tremendous learning, but as one of my best friends says… “Education isn’t cheap, you get it one way or the other”.
So, goodbye 2012, I don’t think I’m going to miss you. It’s been a year of: reconnection with family, new friends, the sweetest love and saddest loss, many births and deaths and broken hearts.
I feel like I have a clear path of intent for 2013, not that I expect it to go according to plan. But, if I get my way… I will get a chance to work on a lot of the issues that I have been accepting and that I would really love to grow up around.
It makes sense that I would have a lot of the issues that I have especially since I grew up as I did. I have this sneaky side to me and it comes from not being able to have privacy and living in a cult(ure) of exposure, public humiliation and forced confession. Sometimes I feel that to have something of my own, I need to hide it.
This sneaky behavior shows up for me in food, drink, money, sex, in just about every aspect of my life. It has affected every relationship that I have been in. I don’t want to have this anymore. I want to be as trustworthy as I tell myself that I am. These ghosts that I carry in my heart and memory still harm my life, since I was programmed to give everything away.
I need to able to have boundaries and be able to move past these habits and the really destructive consequences of them. That is my hope. By going really deep inside, I hope that I will find the balance and healing, so that these issues can be resolved.